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Review #4129100
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"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 

Hello there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC. *Knob*
This is a Simply Positive Review.

*Vignette5* I liked the twisty, poetic muse at work, here. Your poem pulls the reader into a maze of emotions, with flashing pictures flying by, as the subliminal messages break forth and capture a reader's attention.

Observations:

*Faucet* I realize this is a free verse poem, which I like very much. However, there are spots that could really use punctuation to make it read a little smoother.

*Blocky* I suggest breaking up the prose-type form and go for a more verse-type form.

Example:

"Visualize the sound of your own voice fight for air in a vacuum void as
your [you're/you are] falling past your past with quicker quicker increase speed flicker light flicker in hole chasm as you grow closer to walls of this: the endless."

Try:

Visualize the sound of your own voice, fight for air in a vacuum,
void as you're falling past your past
with quicker -- quicker increase,
speed flicker, light flicker, in hole
chasm as you grow closer to walls of this: the endless."

*Tack* This is just one way to break apart the lines so the reader can follow easier.

Once I placed the punctuation in my mind, and read through it, it really had an impact. I like it! It is very reminiscent of lyrics and I wonder if that is what you had intended? I could almost hear musical notes attached to it. *Music2* *Music1*

Good job! It just needs a little attention to punctuation and line-breaks to be wonderful! *Sheriff*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch





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