%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4129538 |
 | The Determined Wife  [E] Flash fiction entry. Don't ask her to work on cars.  |
| (5.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !  Hello, R. Michael. I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,Review of "The determined wife"  Impressions What drew me in from the beginning was the title. It kind of reminded me "the stepford wives", and I expected something similar. Or something about a woman determined to do what her husband told her, in an ominous kind of way. Then I noticed the size, which was too small, so I thought it was comedy. Although I had to reach the ending to confirm it was comedy, indeed. It is a brilliant little story. Characters- settings You start off pretty strongly, stating immediately what Karen is trying to do, and how much she has not paid any attention to her husband. Just the"wah wah wah" part made me realize that it starts to become humorous. So, I went on. Karen looks like your typical young wife who decides to prove her husband wrong. She seems truly determined, so your title is completely justified. As for the settings, it is clearly stated that she stands in her driveway, and it is enough for the story to continue.  Development You started by saying first what was on Karen's mind, how she didn't pay attention to her husband, but she was determined to make it through anyway. Then, there came the real confrontation with the battery itself. How to change the battery with no instructions. And the conclusion, which I didn't see coming, was so funny and clever.  NotesIt is a very clever little story and I enjoyed it greatly. One small mistake, though, "yer battery", I guess it is "the battery" or "your battery". You might want to fix that, because it stops the flow in a very pivotal moment.  Favorite lines "Of course, he could’ve handed her a brick covered in plastic and she wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference." I found it hilarious, it reminded me of myself. And of course, the nonchalant and manipulating last sentence, which was the cleverest line I read in quite some time. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes,   Susan
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 06/23/2015 @ 10:54pm EDT