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Review #4130083
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Review by abbyer
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Rated: | (3.5)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




Hello, smblomker.
This is a review for "Over the top"


*Dropb*
I found the title an interesting one, though it did not reveal a lot about what was going to happen. The short description under the title was interesting, too, and it made me want to read on. The story is about a young girl who is on the brink of marrying someone random, and so decides to confess to her loved one her feelings. There is a description of the emotional ups and downs she goes through in the course of the day and the final attempt of hers to admit to the boy she loves her true feelings.

*Dropg*
I had some trouble understanding what exactly was happening and where. It seems as if this piece is an introduction for a longer story, where a lot more things are explained. I would like to learn more about the time and place of the story, if it is in the past or the future, where is the so-called 'city", why people are not allowed to marry whom they want.

*Dropy*
I noticed that there is a change of the point of view. While the story starts with third person (Lizzie said), midway you change it to first person (I am Lizzy), which is a bit confusing.

All in all, it is a good introduction for a longer story, it will probably work better than being on its own. Keep writing.
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