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 Review #4130364 |
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| (4.5)   Affiliated with "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise" Greetings from House Florent, "King's Landing updating " !Hi! My name is Cubby and I will be providing you with feedback today.  What I really liked about this: Wow. This really sucked me in, pardon the pun!  But actually, it did. I felt like I was feeling the vampire's hunger, his needs, his passion for the past, and so on. Even though it was quite long for a poem, I was not bored at all by it. Great work!  You might want to consider: First of all, I noticed you categorized this under the Children's genre. Personally, I might at least up it to Teen. But that, of course, is entirely up to you.  I'd also like to suggest you uncap the beginning of several of your lines... at least the ones that are a continuation of the line previous to it. One example is:The only thing I can think about Is my past... to The only thing I can think about is my past... Near the end of your poem, I noticed just a few typos. You used the word away when it really should be two words... a way. And also, you have human's when it should be humans as it is not a possessive noun, just plural.  And... I have a question (sorry!). What is the shredded metal you refer to in the very first line? I wasn't going to ask because it's probably obvious to most people... but there are probably a few like me who possibly wonder the same thing. When you tell me, I'll most likely think, "Oh, geesh! How did I not get that?"   Final thoughts... I like this a lot. I can also see this getting published, once polished up, in a magazine or story/poem collections in the horror genre. You are obviously a natural... I'd also like to add, I was impressed by your internal rhymes. To me personally, rhyming within lines brings the poet up a level. Great work! Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ") A "Simply Positive Review Forum " Review My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/06/2015 @ 12:35pm EDT