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Review #4130738
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of A New Partner?  
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Marci Missing Everyone ,
I was looking for something short and E rated so I thought I'd visit the Daily Flash Fiction, and my eyes caught your entry. After reading this story, I have some comments.
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I like the short story about Avery being hesitant to having a new FBI partner who Brad had appointed. I liked some of the showing you have done in this story such as Avery pursing her lips, shaking her head, Brad rolling his eyes, etc.

I felt like this line could do better in showing her anger: she answered angrily. How about something like, she felt her face grow warm?

Check the last line: "Now go great get your partner properly . . .
"That's all I ask, my friend." He patted
When you tag someone after the dialogue, use comma and lower case such as
"That's all I ask, my friend," he said
Look at this where you're not tagging a character:
"That's all I ask, my friend." He patted

I didn't think the last part of this line is required - Avery shook her head back and forth.
Otherwise, a short story about acceptance to change. Wish you success.

Keep in mind that those were my opinions so feel free to ignore those you don't think fit your story. Write on!

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/26/2015 @ 10:54am EDT
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