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 Review #4131303 |
  "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" hello, Izzy's Writing This is a Simply Positive Review!  I know I said I might not have time to do another "Review Request" item from you the same day I just did one for you, yet here I am. (But this is the last one by Request for a while, okay?)  You build up the drama in this story along with the horror of what happened to this young lady in the past. She clearly is still suffering from the trauma, thus is one who would probably be diagnosed with PTSD. The rape is terrifying enough, but having to live through it again and again through the nightmares is unavoidable torture.The reader cares about this girl and hopes for the best outcome, while reading through the story.  The proposal by her boyfriend highlights this well.  Observations:  We've already discussed this in the review I submitted yesterday, the use of a real life sport's figure as the boyfriend and weaving him into this character's life is not a storyline I really like. I know this person is a father of a year old son, and his name is plastered all over the story as if he is a free man with no family responsibilities. Secondly, most readers would probably feel the same and find this scenario unbelievable.  You know what my suggestion is, as stated yesterday, change the name of the "hero." He could still be a fictional sport's figure and be just as charming in the story. "No. I need this, you see. I can't let you go until I get what I want." Elizabeth whimpered."  The tag "Elizabeth whimpered" doesn't belong on this line because it makes the reader think that it was she who said the quoted words, when it was the guy who said them. You could have Elizabeth whimpering before his quoted line or after it, as a separate sentence and paragraph.  Otherwise, well done, especially the realistic handling of the rape scene and the emotional after effects.Until next time--write on! Regards, WebWitch  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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