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Review #4131406
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi Siobhan Falen ,
I decided to read your story and have some suggestions to offer.
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*StarfishV* Plot
It flowed so well and I enjoyed the tension you created at the end.

*StarfishV* Setting
It was so interesting and very beautiful that I didn't feel like stopping at any point in the story. I just wish to know more about the scents. Since it was a cave at the sea, I assume an aqua scent or a salty taste.

*StarfishV* What I liked best
         *FishG*I like that they encountered a scary mermaid.
         *Fishp*Towards the end, you leave the readers with a feeling of dread and horror because the mermaid was waiting for Jessica if she returned to the sea. The suspense still lingers.

*StarfishV*Further Suggestions
He didn’t do so much as twitch - missing word that I inserted
“Please, let him go.” The woman’s lips twitched but she didn’t say - Was this the mermaid talking or Jessica. I think it's Jessica but when you write "the woman" after the dialogue, it sounds like the woman (mermaid) was talking.
“Buddy! Buddy! Please!” She shrieked - I think a lower case should flow after an exclamation mark is used in dialogue.

I just wondered, why did the mermaid spare Jessica?

*StarfishV*Overall
A wonderful story with a spooky plot. Well done*Starbl*

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/29/2015 @ 7:48am EDT
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