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Review #4132147
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A "Game of Thrones"  *Sun* Martell *Sun* Review


A "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP"  review!

I read the horror story in your portfolio that was based on friday the thirteenth so I wondered what kind of story would it be, a same horror story or something completely different and the title of your story really caught my attention because it confirmed my thoughts that this would be a story with a completely new perspective so here I am! *Bigsmile*

The beginning was good, bad luck, following by worse bad luck with more bad luck! *Laugh* The thing that made me laugh was when the narrator thought that no one was watching and she could take a turn illegally and right then, she was fined! *Facepalm*. I could very much relate to it because whenever I do something bad like the first time in life after I look at everyone doing it, they don't get caught but I ma the one who gets scolded or caught for that! *Facepalm*.

The story was good! The flow was great, there was no interruption, I was glad to read at the end that there was some hope for her and that they were removing this famous myth about friday the thirteenth, it was a nice different and refreshing idea. The dialogues in your story were written correctly, they enhanced your work and the reader could feel a part of your story. Well done!

The only thing I would suggest is that you mentioned that Bradford wants to keep the information as to why the cat is worth a lot of money so he doesn't tell her, perhaps you could tell the reader? As in internal thoughts or monologue?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR WORK!
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/06/2015 @ 8:39pm EDT
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