Review of

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Hello,Riot

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.




I took a look at some of your older work, and I'm glad I did. I understand that over time our writing improves, but from what I've read here, you have been creative and a good writing for a long time now.

I am a believer in UFO's, (yes, I'm one of them), so when I saw the title of your story I had to read it. I wasn't disappointed by my decision. There is so much here that I liked, but I'll list a couple of places that I think deserve special mention.

You wrote: I glanced down at the picture of my beautiful wife, Emily, who was holding out newborn son, Jacob, in her arms. The truth was, I missed them like crazy. As I thought of the prospect of holding him for the first time, I smiled. Contentment spread through my chest at the sheer thought of it and I relaxed.
These sentences resonated with me in a big way. I was serving my year in Vietnam when my first son was born, so when Coby wan looked at the picture of his wife and son the feelings I had as I waited to hold my son for the first time returned. (I wrote a story about my return home and seeing my son for the first time and it was published in an anthology in 2011.)

A third of the way through the story, your main character, Coby, tells the reader about how he likes to fly at night, because it broke up the monotony. I knew a Navy fighter pilot a few years ago, that used to take off and land on aircraft carriers, and as exciting as that sounds, he said it got boring after a while. I thought of that as Coby is thinking about how flying a fighter jet can get boring. You added more realism and authenticity with that because it's true, and it's how pilots sometimes feel.




I saw nothing in this story that needs attention.




The ending of your is authentic. I've read extensively about UFO's and pilot sightings. Pilots, especially military pilots, are very reluctant to report a UFO for fear it will affect their ability rating. Showing that at the end of the story really put the story into reality.

When writing a story like this, it is important to be as realistic as possible, and you have done that here. I saw many places that as I read I wondered if you are somehow connected to a pilot. Marriage? Friendship? The realism in this piece suggests that you did a lot of good research.

This story is solid, well written, and filled with the kind of description that made me feel like I was flying right along with the three pilots. And the fact that neither pilot would report a UFO put the icing on the cake that make this story real.

Well done!

Keep writing.

Bikerider

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