Review of

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Hello,Charlie ~

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.




I liked the creative ending you gave this story. The dialogue is well done, realistic, and appropriate to the story, moving it along nicely.

When I was a police officer working undercover narcotics, I had a partner that could easily be Randall. Recognizing my old partner in your character really made this story resonate with me.






I saw no grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors in the story.

“Well, hello there. I just saw noticed you sitting by yourself. Is this seat taken?” Randell asked, motioning to the seat across from her.




Your characters came to life for me, and not just because Randal reminded me of my partner. Randall's attitude about women, his brazen attempt to
'get with' a girl obviously out of his league, and the way your descriptions gave the characters movement, made them all seem real and authentic.
Here are a couple of examples of what I mean.

Randall waved him off, slamming his shot and standing up. “No way is she twenty-four. I’m going over there.”

“Well, hello there. I just saw noticed you sitting by yourself. Is this seat taken?” Randell asked, motioning to the seat across from her.

He sat close to her on the white leather couch, gripped her chin with his hand and made eye contact, stunning her mid-sentence.

I enjoyed reading your story. It's well written, interesting, filled with good description, and uses good dialogue. Well done.

Keep writing.

Bikerider

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