Review of

STATIC

A Helping Hand  (13+) Short crime story about what happens when lending a helping hand goes too far. #1972935 by Charlie ~

Hello,Charlie ~ }

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.




I like the way your brought me through the story slowly. You begin the story in a friendly, relaxed tone. As the story moves along you begin to hint that something is wrong, but you leave it to the reader to move forward to learn what is happening.

I like you voice in this story. You take your time, you give your characters movements the bring them to life, like this;

He was successful in work, unsuccessful in covering up his receding hairline, and somewhat successful in co-parenting his ten year-old twin daughters who lived with their mother a couple miles away.

When I got home, Mike was sitting on the living room couch, without the tv on, just wringing his hands and staring at the wall. “Hey, man. You’re up late,” I said, throwing my coat on the back of the recliner and taking a seat.

Mike stood then, walked to the edge of the room and leaned his head against the wall there. He turned sharply.





I saw no grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors in this story. However, there was one place where I was confused with the dialogue your wrote.

My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest as I realize that Mike could kill me too, if I choose not to help him. What would he do if I turned right now and told him I was calling the police? “She can’t be found. Don’t you get that? Even if they believe she was in a car accident at first, they’re going to get her body out. See the wounds,” I wince, the thought of her wounds too much to bear.

You do very well with dialogue, but I was confused with who was doing the speaking her. If both characters are speaking, then each person's dialogue should have its own sentence.




I shuddered when I came to the end of this story. Would Mike allow his brother to take the rap for the murder? I wondered about that because Mike has daughter to take care of and he seems concerned about them. But that's one of the things that made the story interesting; you leave the ending up to the reader.

Well done.

Bikerider

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .