I enjoyed reading this free verse poem. It felt like I was reading a ballad of preternatural life through the eyes of a very disenchanted vampire.

He longs for a time when he was able to feed without fear of the brutal consequences of the modern days. The reader could visualize the palaces and the opulence of those times passed, along with the more than willing "victims" when he was free to roam and seduce them at will.

Observations:

They stab us with their wooden stakes
Their guns and silver bullets
How made sure few of us are left I believe you meant to insert the word "Now" rather than "how" in this line.

"And my power, I capture the furry rat
I sink my teeth into its dirty matted fur"

Instead of using fur/furry, try Hairy and then on the next line, keep "matted fur." It's another way to describe the rat's covering.


You repeat the phrase "a way," multiple times throughout the poem. Perhaps there is another phrase or words you could use to keep the thought, and add impact without the repetitiveness.


EXAMPLE:

"I take my vow
I swear,
I will find a way [I will thrive, survive]
I will not go hungry

This is just a little change to a line, that adds impact and takes away the softer, more common words "a way." The "I will" refrain, is perfect for adding emphasis, thus the repeat is almost necessary thus not monotonous.

You responded to this review 07/06/2015 @ 12:40pm EDT

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