Review of

Dead End  (ASR) The investigator for defense has amorous hopes concerning the pretty defendant. #504839 by Joy

Hello,Joy

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating " 




I like that your motive for the murder is not only believable and authentic, but it's a motive that plays out in too many crime scenarios today. While there is no requirement that motive be proved in order to charge someone with a crime, I like that you story explains the motive. Very good!




I saw no spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors. But I did notice some things that might need attention.

She says the street quieted down after a booming sound, which distracted her at 2:00 a.m. Since it is late already, she decides to go [to] bed.

While this is a good way to slip in a bit of description, there are some words that need consideration.
You Wrote: He believes the police will drop the case from [for] lack of evidence, but with me as [the] defense's private investigator, Marge will have the upper hand. I think, more than anything, I took this case for [because of] Marge's dreamy blue eyes and the sunlight flickering on her curls.





I was a police officer for 25 years, and in my experience the only time a witness of suspect is called in for question in front of everyone is on television. You Wrote: Daryl is called in for questioning with everyone present. For accuracy sake, this might be changed. I have questioned multiple suspects at the same time, but always in separate rooms.

I enjoyed reading this interesting story.

Keep writing.

Bikerider

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .