Review of

STATIC

A Walk through the Woods  (ASR) A gathering of sorts - an autumn story #1329035 by Joy

Hello,Joy

HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY!

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.





Not every story has a message, but this one does, and it's quite a message at that, and that's why it deserves a five star rating.

I also liked that while the story was about a family problem that was ultimately resolved, it wasn't done all sugary and syrupy, as can sometimes happen with a story like this. You showed just the right amount of emotion and let the life changing event do the rest. Great job with that.




You wrote: Once inside, Amber looked around with questioning eyes and asked for him. “Pa?” Frannie just pointed to the stairs, “Went up early,” she answered. Funny, how both were talking in fragments as if a full year did not pass by since Amber’s leave-taking. You obviously know this, so it has to be an oversight. There are two speakers in these sentences, but the dialogue is treated as if it was only one speaker. A new sentence should begin with either Frannie just pointed, or with the first word of her dialogue, "Went up early."




I'm glad I decided to scour your portfolio. I have found so many stories that have kept me interested throughout, like this one.

The story flows well, the dialogue stays on track and moves the story forward.

You've done a great job with a story about people's personal problems, and resolved those problems in an authentic, believable way. Good job!

Bikerider

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .