Review of

STATIC

The Soul of a House  (ASR) Can loneliness deceive the senses? Writer's Cramp Entry #1511476 by Joy

Hello,Joy

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.




I was brought into the story with the first few sentences. That a spirit could actually be taking advantage of Melinda's loneliness was something that intrigued me.

I like stories that use good description, allowing the reader to feel like they are sitting right there next to the story's characters. Your use of description does that as I read your work. There are lots of places in the story I liked, here is an example of what really struck me.

I especially liked this description: Outside, the snow streaked down like lint in an alternating pattern of oblique and horizontal lines. Comparing snow to lint is a great visual.

Sometimes description is used to show rather than tell, as it is here; "Tonight we will be discussing houses." Melinda cleared her throat, clutching the microphone tightly. Nicely done, especially pointing out that Melinda grasped the microphone tightly; a good way to show anxiety.





You wrote: Melinda stared at the window where a ton of wet snow slinked down the panes. A ton of snow would be so heavy it would break any window pane. Did you mean that Melinda stared through the window where a ton of wet snow slinked ....

Other than a few misplaced or missing commas, I saw no spelling or grammar errors that detracted from the story.




Spooky stories are fun to write, and sometimes fun to read, and it is not easy to write in that genre. The writer has to find just enough to spook the reader, but keep it real enough for the reader to believe what he/she is reading. You have found the correct combination here. Nicely done.

Good job with this interesting story.

Keep writing.

Bikerider

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .