Review of

STATIC

CUTTING THE TURKEY  (ASR) A Thanksgiving Story. It is FICTION. #286116 by Joy

Hello,Joy

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.




The opening sentences/paragraphs of a story are very important. It is the place where you pull your reader into the story. Your hook is very well done. It left me with a few questions that could only be answered by my reading further. Good job.

I like how the story flows. In the beginning it is easy to see that Betty does not get along with her parents, especially her mother. There is a middle to the story, where Betty meets her brother-on-law's friend, Pete. And there is an ending, where Betty and Pete are married, and Betty doesn't have to go to her mother's house for Thanksgiving.

I like the way you use description. Here are some of my favorite places:

Out of self-defense, I was trying to minimize the time I would spend at my parents' place. There is no mistaking Bettie's reluctance to spend the day at her parent's house.

I could breathe in the crisp air while the fall leaves played hide and seek with the wind. I needed the soothing voice of the outdoors to reconstitute my energy for the indoors. This effectively shows that Betty preferred to be alone.





I saw some comma errors in the story, but nothing that detracted from the story itself.


One more thing that I think you should consider: The famous, handsome, movie star you are referring to is not Gary Grant, his name was Cary Grant, Carey with a C.




Your story flows well, and I'm familiar enough with your writing now that I recognize your writing style. I like the way your style comes across in the voice of a person telling a friend a simple story. Your style is relaxed, confident, and makes for good reading.

Keep writing.

Bikerider

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .