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Review #4133329
Viewing a review of:
 A Logic That's Okay  [E]
Someone who's ready for anything is well-taught - a prose poem.
by Tim Chiu
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings from House Florent, "King's Landing updating " !

Hi! My name is Cubby and I will be providing you with feedback today.

*Sun* What I really liked about this: Ah, this is so true. Very well put, even as prose. *Wink* I'm nearing the retirement era... actually, I retired early, but my husband still works and looks forward to retiring in a few years, if we are still healthy, lol. I like how you begin this piece with how we would all, male and female, like a peaceful, laid-back life. Then you get into the hard work we put ourselves through till it's time to retire--which is our victory at last. And you also get in there, about securing the right path. I may sound like I'm rambling, but I do like what this says, and to read it makes much more sense than my words do. Ugh! *Bigsmile*

*Clouds* You might want to consider: The only thing that really stood out to me, was that every single line started with a capital letter, which disturbs the flow a bit. For instance:
Better take your medicine
And retire - for you are but
A busy child[...]
My suggestion:
Better take your medicine
and retire - for you are but
a busy child[...]

*Starb* Final thoughts... One thing we have learned recently, is to plan ahead so once we get old, we don't have stairs to the basement where the washer is, five acres of grass to mow, a drive-way on a hill that gets icy in the winter... and so on. We've learned this from my in-laws. Hubby's dad has Alzheimer's and there is so much that perhaps should have been planned out for, but wasn't because they'd spent many winters in the warm sun having fun, and back here in the summer having fun, which is great! But now his mom is taking care of him in a huge house on a hill, washer in the basement... and she is 84... and stubborn (but sweet!) Here I go rambling again. See what your words did to me? Hopefully others will read this, too, and think about what your words say. Nice work! *Smile*

Have a great day and...
*Tulipp*  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! *Tulipp*

Cubby ")

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