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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4135496
Review #4135496
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Review by Shaye
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Marci Missing Everyone ,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece Invalid Entry from {sitem:} in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " .

Title: It's a poem about colours, so it seems pretty suitable to me! *Laugh*

First Impression: A very good poem, highlighting various different colours and where you'd find them in the world. I admit, it's not the most original idea, but you've done it in a way that ensures it's unique to you. You've twisted the prompt well to fit what you've written and there's a clear association between the image and the poem. Good job!

Flow/Form: I don't know if this is a particular form, since I'm no expert on poetry, but this poem flows well throughout, especially when read aloud.

Rhyme: There's some rhyme here, which helps the overall flow of the poem. I think you've got the second and last line of each stanza rhyming, which creates a regular rhythm for the reader of the poem. *Thumbsup*

Word Choice: You've got good word choice, using more precise shades of colour, rather than just good ol' "green". You could take this further for some of the other colours mentioned, but this may be going too far.

Spelling/Grammar:
I've noticed you've spelt "grey" two different ways in the poems. "Gray" is generally seen as the American spelling. Almost every other English-speaking country uses "grey".

I don't know if this is just me, but the following doesn't make sense to me.
"Show me the woods of evergreen
that makes the white winter to beam."
"to beam" just doesn't sound right. I think the "to" isn't supposed to be in there.

Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the interesting read! Good luck in the contest! *Smile*

Lorraine

** Image ID #2043291 Unavailable **

Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/08/2015 @ 7:55am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4135496