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Review #4140396
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Review by Shaye
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi sunnystarr,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece "Invalid Item"  in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " .

Title: A simple title that suits the poem. It's a poem about rain, what else were you supposed to call it? *Wink*

First Impression: An easy-to-read poem describing the rain and the effect it has on both nature and man-made things.

Flow/Form: Besides my comments below about flow, everything else worked in my opinion. One thing I noticed, the final line of the first and second stnza could match, but don't. I'm not sure if you're following a particular form, but the first stanza ends with "to fall" and the second ends with "shine", when the word on teh previous line is also "to", so it could be logical to make them both have to same, with or without the "to".

Rhyme: No rhyme found, and I don't think it's necessary.

Word Choice: You've got some good personification for the lights and the trees, which adds to the imagery of your poem.

The one stanza, which I think word choice should be improved is the last one. I feel like the first two lines are quite wordy. I think you could remove "very" at the least, maybe just something like,
"The rain makes everything new
clear, and good. As"

Maybe you could also think up some other terms. I understand the poem is about "rain", but it's a very repetitive word in the poem. In a poem of 60 words and only 13 lines, you use the word "rain" 5 times. Consider droplets and showers.

Of course, it's your own style and you can completely ignore me!

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted here!

Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the entertaining reads! My comments are meant to help, but you can obviously ignore them and leave your poem as it is as if you'd never received this review!

Lorraine

** Image ID #2043291 Unavailable **

Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


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