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Review #4143320
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Review by Tiggy
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Rated: | (4.5)
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*PenB* First Impression:

Nooooo! I wasn’t finished with Lord Norin, I had more questions! *Laugh* I’m hoping that Louie and Morison grasped this better than I did because not everything was clear to me at the end of this part, but maybe they’ll explain it in the last one. But I’ll start at the beginning. The descriptions were excellent and it was easy to imagine Louie stumbling along only guided through sensing the hated objects around him. His fear of the prison also came across very clearly, just as Morison had thought earlier. I liked that you showed this as Louie was being taken there rather than just saying it, but the reason for calling him back,

“His Majesty changed his mind, he wishes to question the vampire.”

seemed rather weak. This would have worked better had the king already seen the content of the bag, but to just “change his mind” didn’t sound like something a king would do, even if his escorts were in agreement that this happened often. I wonder if there might be a way to at least hint at this earlier on, at the end of the previous chapter when the king ordered Lord Norin to open the bag. Perhaps Morison could say that Louie had a right to be there, or alternatively that Lord Norin had a right to prove his innocence to his accuser – anything to make it more plausible that they were calling Louie back.

The king’s explanation was a little surprising. There was no regret in that speech, no excuses; he seemed to stand by what he did and offered it merely as background information. But it seemed that he had no knowledge of the fact that Louie was not dead so it was all Norin’s doing. And this was where you lost me a little because I could neither figure out why he did that nor how. He could have just let Louie die which would have ensured that there was no heir to the throne. I didn’t understand what Norin gained by doing this. You mentioned an experiment at some point but then didn’t seem to follow it up. And as the king rightly stated, no human could survive having their heart taken from them, but somehow that happened to Louie. I think there might be some explanation missing here to complete the picture.


*PenG* Suggestions:

he just might have attacked them and welcome.
I wasn’t sure what you meant by “and welcome.”

it took many weeks for me to find another willing to look at him
This did sound like an excuse. I’m not totally clear on the timeline but by then he had executed the former king and queen and was presumably the king – and he couldn’t order a doctor to check on the child? It didn’t sound right. It might work better not to mention the time delay or the fact that the previous doctor died. He could just say that the fact Louie was ill was brought to his attention too late and although he sent a doctor immediately, he was told Louie had already died. If there was any significance to this explanation, I don't think it was clear.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

Just like the beginning of this chapter, I could imagine the ending of this part very well and the whole court waiting with baited breath what Louie would do. I thought the line,

Morison feared his own heart would never start to beat in a normal rhythm again when he laid eyes on that scene.

worked well to sum it up. I was torn between wanting Louie to have his revenge and thinking, like he said, that a quick death wouldn’t be satisfying enough – although mainly because I was hoping that Norin would get the chance to explain himself. He didn’t really say anything in his defence or to explain his actions, even if it were to tell Louie how much he hated the royal family or something. He didn’t do it to get the throne for himself because this was thirty years later. I’m hoping that the last part of the chapter will tie up some of the loose ends.



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