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Review #4143451
Viewing a review of:
 My Sister Gayle  [E]
Entry for July's The Playlist Competition. Inspired by Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve.
by Choconut ~ House Targaryen
Review of My Sister Gayle  
Review by Shaye
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Choconut ~ House Targaryen ,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece {item:} today in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum "  and as a judge for "Invalid Item" .

Title: The story was about your MC's sister and the life she led. It's a suitable title.

First Impression: Wow. There's definitely a lesson in this story, a moral, if you will. Being at the stage of my life where I'm supposed to be choosing a career, this story definitely showed how important it was that we make our own choices.

Plot: The first paragraph, the hook of your story gave the whole plot away, yet it hooked me to read the story and find out what was so bad about Gayle's life and why she died alone. Suprisingly, I liked this. The story is also told in a simple chronilogical order, from A-Levels through to death. You've got a good build-up, with Gayle complaining about her life, but saying how she couldn't disappoint her parents. This is relatable for everyone who had loving parents. They've looked after you, so you want to make them proud. Unfortunately, Gayle's wish to make her parent's proud eventually helped her along to her death.

Characterisation: How ironic that a cardiovascular surgeon dies from a heart attack. Through the sister's description, we find out a lot about both your POV character and the sister. You've wove in this description well. Good job! The contrast between the two sister's is clear, despite them only being born moments apart.

I just wanted to comment on the "talent-spotted" thing. Someone in my year at Primary school was "talent-spotted", and pushed two years ahead of everyone else. We were in Year 5, he got pushed up to Year 7. This story really makes me think about how much pressure was on that boy to do well. You've done well to make me think of this and relate to this story.

As I said above, the story really feels like it's being told by someone who just lost their sister. The first-person really works here. The one thing I felt was that I should feel more emotion about this piece. I understand the sister's grew apart quickly as they aged. Whilst I felt sorry for Gayle, I didn't really get the sadness that I would expect from the grieving sister as she told the story. Just something to think about. *Smile*

Prompt: You've followed the prompt well and I can definitely see the relationship between the song and your story. Well done!

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted!

Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the thoughtful read and good luck in the contest! *Smile*

Lorraine

** Image ID #2051815 Unavailable **

Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/04/2015 @ 9:26am EDT
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