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Review #4143595
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Hi Ruff-urns!

And ...

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I simply could not resist reading this because the title sounded so intriguing. I liked the way the story began. The end of the first sentence had a nice cadence to it. 'that entire cold Minnesota day'.

Nothing ever goes right on prom night, and Savannah had all sorts of bad luck. I didn't really get the part about a 'bargain-basement ear'or why she would stuff it with wool. Is this some sort of foreshadowing? Is her ear not real?

Here's a few observations. Suggestions are in brackets, and it won't take but a bit of editing to straighten it out. *Checkg*

Court’s problem if her [he] really wanted to spend the night

and quietly snuck [sneaked] out of the [h]all.

and made for Nina Tanner, her best friend’s house. [I'm not sure how to word this. As written, Nina Tanner is the house.]

8.30pm [8:30 P.M.]

She [made] a quick call to

Some of your sentences are run-on, and the meaning is lost. Also easily fixed.

Great job capturing Court's moodiness. I knew any boy picking up a girl late was not a keeper. For me, the best part of the story, the part where I felt the most connected, was in the description of their car ride to the prom.

I had to sympathize with Savannah throughout the plot, but her later actions were not very smart. What kind of girl would haphazardly wander deep into the woods? The discovery at the end of the story was shocking, definitely the thriller/suspense apparent there.

Since this is only the beginning of the story, I'm curious to see where its headed. You've effectively created a strong character in Savannah, even if she's a little odd.

Teenage angst is a recipe in itself for creating conflicts, which carried the first part of the plot. Now, with her first truly frightening conflict to overcome, we'll see who Savannah really is.

The story is now far beyond the realm of teenagers angst. Keep on writing!

~Nixie *Smile*


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