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Review #4143629
Viewing a review of:
 she is you and she is me  [E]
she is a mystery
by khushboo
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi khushboo, and

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I'm here, because after reading your piece on parenting, I wanted to see what else you had written. I became transfixed by this article that reads like poetry. It speaks to many parts of me, which is definitely something we, as writers, strive for. I doubt there's many people who feel complete and normal, whatever that is.

The two concepts I'm left with are the how I often feel labeled and boxed, and also how, although it appears otherwise, on the inside I'm broken, but surviving. The title suits the thought process perfectly.


A few suggestions:
Why ? she didn’t know.
Consider this slight edit, your choice.
Why? She doesn't know.

A box that label[ed] who she was.
labeled

Her body ached [aches]with loneliness.
ached needs to be [ache] to fit in with the other present tense lines.

What you've captured here is something to be proud of. I'm sure there are many other readers who found themselves in your words. Nice write!

~Nixie *Smile*

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/07/2015 @ 11:41am EDT
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