This is a testimonial to, Karen Rothmyer, a person who had a strong influence in both your life and your career, as well as affecting the field of journalism in your native Kenya.

As such, it's chock full of tidbits mentioning this and that, and there's no doubt that there are many reasons to hold her in high esteem. However, I don't get a feeling of any overall structure in the writing. You go here, you go there, you back track, you talk about running, you talk about college, and the end result is a kind of confusion about what the specific point is that you are making, other than to let us know that you admired this person.

Part of the problem is your opening which picks up the story at the very end, as your subject is leaving Kenya. At this point, we know nothing of her, and already we're saying good-bye.

I think you'd be on much stronger ground if you made it personal, show us a close-up moment in your own evolution that was directly impacted by her influence. That personal dimension is present throughout, but it's not the focus of your structure, it's simply one element among many.

Here's the problem with simply telling us how great the subject of your piece is: readers are a naturally skeptical lot. Despite our willingness to give an author the benefit of the doubt, and to embark on a new piece of writing with a full measure of good-will, they will easily fall prey to the "Oh Yeah? Sez who?" reflex. This is triggered by opinions presented as facts, which is what much of your piece consists of, despite the fact that the events under discussion are historical. We're not given sufficient access to the events themselves and so we must take your word for it.

On the other hand, a personal narrative about yourself, containing copious examples of how you were influenced by Ms. Rothmyer, has the advantage of being beyond argument. You are telling us what happened to you. Unless you give us reason to think that you are fabricating the entire narrative, we will accept it at face value. When you then expand beyond the personal, to talk about her role in the larger field of journalism, you will already have laid a foundation of acceptance with your readers.

I don't think there's anything in particular that is misplaced here; all of it is relevant and important. But as of now, there's no story, no narrative arc, no steady progression from beginning to end, with the implied transition that took place in your life as a result of your acquaintance with her. Tell that story, and you'll have a piece that does justice to your subject.