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Review #4149207
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hello, N.S. Almonte . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. Feel free to email me if you have any site questions or need a hand finding your way around. *Thumbsup*

General thoughts. This poem has a strong message about accepting yourself for who you are. We all come to that point where we must decide if we'll let the opinions of others define the way we live our life and this poem is a declaration of independence from that mindset.

That's cool. I think you had some really strong language and comparisons in here. I love the first line about sitting in silence being more music than any song. I also like how that idea of music continued into the waltz of the next line. I think you did a good job with using poetic language here. I only wish that the comparisons worked more cohesively together because music/song/waltz all go to together, but then it gets a bit random with fairy tales and summer mornings. Still, I enjoyed reading this piece.

Consider this. I would suggest adding more line breaks to this poem. Consider the following by comparison:

Sitting in silence
is more music to me
than any song.

To waltz with my
misery, silently,
is more romantic
than any fairy tale
in existence.

That's just an example. If you can find good places to add line breaks, the poem will have more flow and also be more aesthetically pleasing as a poem.

The end. Overall, I think you did a good job of explaining the internal struggle between being who you are and who you're told to be. I think it could use an edit for style and flare. Thanks for sharing with us!


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/26/2015 @ 6:32pm EDT
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