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Review #4149276
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Evening Born  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Delight*HI Nada! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!

*Fairyl* Oh I love the evocative title as it appeals to my imagination.
the photo is lovely the last verse captures the colouring so well! *Thumbsup*

I so enjoyed the pattern of this poem and your rhyme choices keep my attention. The structure is balanced in each verse.Your last liens are evocative in each verse and give pause for pondering! I liked "models the moment" and how it is so hard to capture the truth of nature.

I had fun reading though I did query about the following:

In verse one I wanted to add "the" to "on fly"--eg "on the fly" would make sense and help the flow here. The poem seems to ask us to behold the sky as it uses "your" . I like the personal address. Then in the second verse it talks of time and she. Does the word "she" refer to time? "time will seem to stand still" might flow better.

Also in line 3 verse 3 you have two "ing" gerunds together that are a bit confusing to get your meaning. Does is refer back to "colours..even blurring, enhance the view". A comma may assist. *Wink*

You have cool ideas like :"leave nothing behind as clue" and time"having skill" unless it means the artist in verse 2.

Thanks for sharing your vision and photo! *Starstruck* I really enjoyed the style and movement of the poem and its inspirational vibe!

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/27/2015 @ 2:11pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4149276