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Review #4149844
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This would make an excellent beginning to a longer story, but I think it can stand alone as a short story as well. There were some unanswered questions at the end, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing as the readers could fill in the blanks as they saw fit. The main idea of the story was pretty clear and gave the readers enough to go on.

You let the tale develop at a good pace and it started so peacefully – well, not so much for the mother as she was woken up in the middle of the night, but that’s part of the deal for young parents and wasn’t out of the ordinary. The descriptions were excellent, and although I wondered if it was necessary to describe all the details at that point, like the floorboard and the dressing gown she hung on the back of the door, it worked to set the scene and it became important later. That way, as soon as you mentioned them again, the readers were alert and recognised the clues.

The relationship between the couple seemed excellent, their dialogue was believable and even a bit too good in places, when you described how helpful he was. It made the twist come as more of a surprise when she or part of her personality began plotting against him. The readers wouldn’t have seen that coming, and the way you described parts of her memory coming back worked well to reveal what had really happened that night.

It would have been great to learn more about it and find out exactly what she did, but if you do ever continue this tale it will all become clear then, and as it is, it gives the readers something to wonder about. The only niggle I had was the part about the dressing gown and the way I imagined what might have happened. If she left the house (which seemed likely) she probably wouldn’t have been wearing it but perhaps would have woken up wearing whatever she would wear out the house, perhaps something like black jeans and t-shirt. However, that would have alerted her husband as well as the readers too early that there was something amiss, so the dressing gown did perhaps work better.

If you were to turn this into a longer work, I think you have an excellent hook here to make the readers turn to the next chapter. It’s a great start anyway or a very suspenseful short story.


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