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Review #4149942
Viewing a review of:
 You Said  [E]
Words can be deceiving.
by Alice Hautvast
Review of You Said  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Alice Hautvast . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. Feel free to email me if you have any site questions or need a hand finding your way around. *Thumbsup*

General thoughts. I chose to read this poem because the description sounded interesting. There are so many things said in relationships that never are never followed through on. It makes us feel like the whole thing was an act in the first place and that's the main idea that you talk about here in your poem.

That's cool. I like the way you wrapped the poem up by reflecting on the opening lines in the last lines. It definitely felt as though you finished the poem fully and once again spoke about how there were promises made during the relationship that didn't stick. I liked that you used three line breaks for the last lines too because it gave it more of an emotional impact that it would have if it was written in the same style as the other stanzas.

Consider this. I felt like the fourth stanza was a little bit weak here, especially when compared with the others in the poem:

You said you'd never hurt me,
Yet you've hurt me more than I
allow.

The second line is too long and wordy to keep the flow that the rest of the poem has and it was definitely noticeable while reading because it broke the rhythm. I'm also not sure what it means, 'you hurt me more than I allow.' You don't really choose to what degree someone hurts you, unless you're just saying that they got away with more in the relationship than you usually let someone get away with. Still, it just isn't as strong as the other stanzas.

The end. Overall, I thought this was an interesting piece talking about a broken relationship. I think there is a bit of room for improvement toward the middle of the poem. Thanks for sharing with us!


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