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Review #4149947
Viewing a review of:
 Ghost  [E]
Feedback welcome!
by Celeste B.
Review of Ghost  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Celeste B. . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. Feel free to email me if you have any site questions or need a hand finding your way around. *Thumbsup*

General thoughts. This is a quick little mystery story with a casual tone and a slight twist at the end. I love reading flash fiction like this because I appreciate how difficult it is to tell a full story with such few words. Good on you for trying to make something big out of such so few words!

That's cool. What I like about this story is that I can definitely see it working well for a longer piece. If we got some character development and got to know the relationship between these two and then the girl went missing and her boyfriend started seeing her in different places when he thought she was dead. I do think it's a good idea and there are only a few kinks to work out before this could work for a long story.

Consider this. Here's my big issue with the story: if she's still alive and went missing on Thursday, why is he already assuming that she's dead? I'm so confused about how she could still be alive if it had been long enough for the police to send out search parties and never find her, indicating that they had given up at some point.

Police search for missing people for months. They send search and rescue parties and family organize search parties and stuff like that. I just don't get how he would find her still alive after all that time. We have no frame of reference here because 'Thursday' means nothing to us. Is this over the weekend and she's only been gone for three days? Was it four Thursdays ago and a month has passed? I'm just not sure about the technicalities of the story.

The end. Overall, I really like this idea for a longer story. I only think there are some kinks to be worked out while revising. Thanks for sharing with us!


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