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Review #4149988
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Rated: | (4.5)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



*PenB* First Impressions:

When I read the brief description, I didn’t really know what to expect but it sounded intriguing, as did the title. What struck me first was the tone of the story and I thought it fit the tale well and immediately made the description a little clearer. As it was narrated from Thomas’ point of view, he used his own unique voice to tell it, and there was in intriguing mix of detachment and passion in his narration. Even when he thought he was dying he didn’t seem to feel much emotion, but he did when the thought about his friends and when they came to visit him.

At first, I admit I struggled a little to understand who ‘they’ were and what his connection was to them, but after a while it became clearer. The tale didn’t have much of a lead-in and you threw the readers straight into Thomas’ thoughts which made me read the first few lines a couple of times to see if I had missed anything. But when I read on, the pieces began to fit together and his relationship with his friends made sense. The part about his illness came similarly out of the blue, in fact it was his friend who first mentioned it and I’m not sure if there were any hints beforehand. But it seemed to fit with his thought processes so although it wasn’t easy to follow at times, it worked – the readers just had to pay attention.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The writing was excellent and the only issue I had were the tense changes in the story. You began the story in present tense but three paragraphs in switched to past tense, and from then on switched between the two quite frequently. I think present tense suited the story quite well and would suggest sticking with that, but past tense would work too, you just need to be consistent.

And a minor issue, there were a couple of sentences that began with a lower case letter,

“we aren’t together.”

“yeah.”

I’m guessing you meant them to be a continuation of the previous lines but they still need to begin with a capital letter.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I liked this story a lot, mainly because of the unique tone and the way you narrated it from the main character’s point of view, using his thoughts and emotions to convey what was happening. His relationship with the people around him was very clear and although they couldn’t fully understand him, it was nice that they supported him. Maybe it would have been interesting to know a bit more about his parents’ reaction because that part seemed a little short, and after their initial rejection I would have liked to see them be more understanding, but maybe that’s just me wanting a happy ending. As it was, the ending was quite fitting and rounded the story off nicely.


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