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 Review #4153211 |
 | Vamparisi Codes  [13+] Millennial old Codes that were written by ancients to keep Vamparisi safe  |
| (4.5)   Hello JaceCar . I am here to give you a dose or R&R. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. However, before I go any further, I would to help you understand my reviews. When you see "L," that stands for "Line;" the "S" means "Suggestion." These are just my opinions. It is up to you, whether or not to use these.Overall Impression First off, I must let you know something. I love anything and everything supernatural, as well as having to deal with vampires in any way. I read through the "Vamparisi Codes" and enjoyed it. The codes are written clear. They are easy to understand. The authority behind it feels strong. I loved the dividers too. Great job! I look forward to reading more of this novel. First Code: Secrecy. L1: Vamparisi...means. S1: A comma would work well before "to" and after "Humans." This will make it easier to read. Try: Vamparisi should not and will not expose themselves, to Humans, in any public forum or by any means. OR: Vamparisi should not (and will not) expose themselves to Humans, in any public forum or by any means. Second Code: Judicious Feeling. L1: Take...Vamparisi. S1: Place a comma after "feeding." S2: Switch the words "not to" here. It reads better. Try: Take care when feeding, to not create accidental Vamparisi. Third Code: Loyalty. Great sentences! I could not find any suggestions to offer. Fourth Code: War L1: Factions...awareness. S1: Rewrite this. I feel you could write two separate sentences without losing its meaning. Try: Factions may fight other factions, even to the death. They will take place in a set monitored area, away from human awareness. Fifth Code: Necuratism. L4: For...act. S1: Place a comma before "for" and after "oaths." Try: For anyone else to do this, for any purpose other than homage/fealty oaths, is seen as a criminal act. Rating   ** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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