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Review #4173068
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi, Iva. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
Writing a story in 100 words is not a challenge I've accepted. I had no idea one could be written as concisely.

A few thoughts
Because the story had to be short, there are lots of unanswered questions. What I was looking for was conflict and resolution. Let's look at the character.

*Checkg* Character name. When chosen deliberately, (as it seems you've done here) a name allows the reader to form an impression of the protagonist. While you didn't identify him by actual name until the last sentence, it still worked. In fact, I liked learning about this nefarious fellow, seeing him as faceless. In the last paragraph, ah-ha! a person to blame.

*Checkg* And so it begins
By using the words sucks, your Mr. Super-Villain immediately shows up as disgusting. Legally binding them had me wondering. Is this guy for real? The usage of Lord and Master made me think fantasy, but the story took place in Lord Bernd's mind. I felt as if I was sitting in the brain and hearing all the thoughts.

*Checkg* Conflict/Resolution
I wondered what Bernd wanted. Why was he bent on accumulation? You made a statement about our society here. Perhaps unintentionally. With so many choices available, we've become a throw-away society. Some people hoard wealth and 'things' which really have no meaning.

Lasting Impression
Lord Bernd found justifications in his actions. Typical villain. Lucky for him you only had 100 words, or he might have found himself embroiled in a conflict.

Good luck in the contest. Keep on writing!




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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4173068