Greetings, Izzy's Writing ! Here is the review you requested.

I enjoyed this. You have a nice style/tone that is natural, not forced at all. I know I've told you this before, but you do have a gift for writing. I hope you keep it up.

I have a few suggestions listed below. My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works, and leave the rest.

Paragraph 2
"Nicky! come play with me," 7-year-old Elizabeth begged her friend.
Cap the c in come. I would also spell out the single digit numbers. And you only need a hyphen between year-old.
"Nicky! Come play with me," seven year-old Elizabeth begged her friend.

Paragraph 3
also 7-years-old
Since you are not referring to the boy as a seven year-old, just seven years old is fine without the hyphens.
also seven years old

Paragraph 4
"What do you want to play, Bethie," he asked
Replace the second comma with a question mark.
"What do you want to play, Bethie?" he asked

Paragraph 7
his friends face
Use an apostrophe to show possession.
his friend's face

Paragraph 10
11 year old Elizabeth
I would spell this out, as it's the beginning of a sentence... and add a hyphen.
Eleven year-old Elizabeth

Paragraph 28
Get a goal and win this thing," 14-year-old Elizabeth yelled
You might want to consider using an exclamation point since Elizabeth is yelling. Also, you can omit that first hyphen.
Get a goal and win this thing!" fourteen year-old Elizabeth yelled

Paragraph 30
"This next goal I'm getting for you," he yelled
I would use an exclamation point since he is yelling.
"This next goal, I'm getting for you!" he yelled

Paragraph 35
NICKY," she screamed,

NICKY!" she screamed,

Paragraph 39
He was taking his best friend (and his crush!) to prom.
You might consider deleting "(and his crush!)" since the reader already suspects this.
He was taking his best friend to prom.

Paragraph 41
She had on white high-heeled shoes and on her right wrist was the watch her father had gotten her for Christmas.
Try to use stronger verbs in replace of had, was, gotten, etc. This will also cut down on wordiness. Here is just one example in this paragraph of what you might do:
She wore white high-heeled shoes and on her right wrist, the watch her father had gifted her for Christmas.

Paragraph 42
Have you come to take me to the ball," she asked
Use a question mark.
Have you come to take me to the ball?" she asked

Paragraph 47
don't you," Niklas interrupted
Question mark...
don't you?" Niklas interrupted

Paragraph 49
Do you think I could talk to you in private for a minute or two," Niklas asked

Do you think I could talk to you in private for a minute or two?" Niklas asked

Paragraph 50
Elizabeth looked up and frowned at the nervous look on his face.
The word "look" is repetitive here. You might want to experiment with stronger verbs, too.
Elizabeth glanced up and frowned at his anxious face.

Paragraph 51
She lead him into a classroom
The word lead rhymes with bead, not bread, so it's led.
She led him into a classroom

Paragraph 53
"What did you need to talk to me about," Elizabeth asked, making Niklas pull out of his thoughts.
Question mark. Also, you might consider rewording the second half of this...
"What did you need to talk to me about?" Elizabeth asked, hoping to distract Niklas from his thoughts.

Paragraph 56
-Wow, really? you could do better than that, Niklas- he thought to himself.
You might want to italicize his thoughts:
Wow, really? You could do better than that, Niklas, he thought to himself.

Paragraph 57
Elizabeth looked at him with concern and gently grabbed his hands. She was really worried about the way he was acting. Why was he so nervous?
Consider using strong verbs. Also, gently grabbed sounds like an oxymoron.
Elizabeth looked at him with concern and gently reached for his hands. She worried about the way he shifted uncomfortably. Why was he so nervous?
[perhaps not the best examples, but see what I mean? ]

Paragraph 63
Niklas pulled her to his chest and kissed her, gently, on the lips. His feelings for her were at their highest point right now and he didn't want to come back down. He was on cloud nine.
Just a little wordy. Here's one example to consider:
Niklas pulled her to his chest, kissing her gently on the lips. So this was what Cloud Nine felt like; and he wasn't ready to come down anytime soon.

Paragraph 64
"Will you be my girlfriend," he asked
?
"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked

Paragraph 65
Elizabeth grinned so wide and tugged him back to her.
This sounds just a tad awkward. Here's one example to consider:
Elizabeth tugged him back to her, grinning widely.

I absolutely loved how you incorporated Taylor Swift's lyrics into this! It adds another layer to this story and makes it quite endearing! You did a great job doing it this way.

This is my favorite paragraph:

         "Of course I'll be your girlfriend, you idiot. I'll be your girlfriend forever and forever. Now shut up and kiss me."
[ Love this!]

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! Thanks again for the review request. You've requested me in the past and it seems you must take your reviews very seriously because I give quite detailed reviews to those who request me. The biggest thing here, are your lack of question marks, the need for stronger verbs, and a little bit of wordiness. Not bad at all, Izzy!

Have a great day and
K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .