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Review #4176990
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Review by Nixie
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi, KR. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Initial Impression
First, I have to establish a timeline for my own understanding. In the beginning, Judith is watching Paul walking. The rest of the story is her thinking back to other encounters?

The story had the air of plot taking place in the 1800's. I can't say exactly why, other than church was strongly emphasized and the words [quite] and [dapper] sounded dated. And very British.

The name Judith brought Biblical impressions, which seemed to be carried out in her actions.

As the plot unrolled
I felt Judith had an attraction for Paul because even though he treated her horribly, she continued observing him.

In the last paragraph, we're still in the past and Judith took a strong position against John as demonstrated in her actions. I liked how she maintained her composure and manners. What I can't understand is why a woman like Judith would have any interest in Paul whatsoever after he verbally assaulted her. I hope, for her sake, she doesn't have some notion of turning him into a Christian man. Whatever his reason, there's no excuse to treat anyone so cruelly.

On Judith's side, she could have taken the hint the first time and not invited Paul again. Doesn't she understand that no is no, and possibly she offended him?

*Idea* Something to watch out for--repetition.
In P1, walking slowly means his gait was unhurried. In the next sentence, she's watching absently while he's strolling, wondering absently why--

In P3 she [wondered absently].

I don't think you need to add anything else after [quest]. A quest implies continuing until a goal is reached. At least in my mind. *Wink*

Lasting Impression
I read what you wrote about how you planned to work this short work into something larger. What a wonderful idea!

My thoughts are simply observations on my part, for you to explore or ignore as best suits the work. And only the author knows what's right for the story.

Keep writing!




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