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Review #4177028
Viewing a review of:
 Song Cry  [E]
A loving father and his maturing son. A gift which will bind the two for eternity.
by Derek Saunders
Review of Song Cry  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi, Derek. Nixie, here.


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Overall Impression
What a fantastic, poignant story. The title is mysterious and poetic, I wondered at the meaning. Why not change the brief description to something that reflects the story. Telling members this was something you wrote won't garner as many readers. And this work deserves to be read.

A few thoughts
Since the story was about the music, not too much of a setting was required. I would have liked a bit more to indicate the era. In the first paragraph, the dad is going off to battle, so I guessed this to be Middle Ages.

Later in the story, the dad says he's always off to work, taking care of the son and mom. That sounded like a regular dad with a job, not a warrior. Did I miss something?

Your words describing the experience of listening were beautiful and poetic. My heart clenched when you paused the dad's dialogue to show him struggling for the right words. It gave me a sense of this wonderful man who wasn't there to give excuses or platitudes.

Although the son had no specific age, he experienced his dad's hugs as bear-like, so I assumed somewhere around ten years old.

Rather than make this past perfect, [I had studied] I think you'd be okay with simple past [I studied]. Perfect past can make the reading experience awkward. The words are 'clunky' for lack of a better explanation.

Adding a bit of paragraphing would make this an easier read. The words look as if they all run together. It's especially important when it comes to dialogue. Let those words be seen. *Checkg*

Lasting Impression
Good grief, you brought tears to me eyes with that last paragraph. Music is magic, and I heard it playing here, in your words. Well done!



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