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Review #4192270
Viewing a review of:
Whispering Walls  [13+]
Flint tries to disprove the curse of Friday the 13th.
by Nixie
Review of Whispering Walls  
Review by Happyfingers
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Nixie,

I'm reviewing Whispering Walls for

The Simply Positive Group


FIRST IMPRESSION IN THREE WORDS:

Clever, Descriptive, Ironic


Thirteen comments of what I thought while reading the story:

Yep, the intro got me in. The exposition is wrapped up without the feeling it’s been dumped on me.


Kathleen is introduced, and I deduce she’s the ggd. I exhale. All the pieces are together.

"Thirteen," he said, wondering why the number came so abruptly. Good forewarning.

Flint hesitated. – He’s starting to show signs of fear.

began his climb. Thirteenth – Great he didn’t go straight to the room; obscure obstacles makes the hunt suspenseful.

Standard scary stuff, but he entered the room on tiptoes, He fisted his hands to stop the shakes. – his bravado is weakening. Rising action is keeping me interested. I’m in a hurry to get to the climax.

The walls (whisper) the branch (scrapes the window) the wind sighs – great we have a dialogue going. Good stuff.

The door disappears. He’s trapped. Even now, he tries to rationalize. Probably a lame recording, - then looks for a device responsible for the deceptions. The fool!

"That's what you…” – It’s Ground Hog Day without remembering it!

For the last two-hundred years." – House burned down 200 years ago in 1800’s; this is getting creepy.

Drunk, his lit pipe started a fire. It’s payback time.

by using your brain, which should be pickled. Funny.

Won’t tell the ending, but it’s good.


SUGGESTIONS?


The Grammarly God:

Gustov is Gustav?

drill, this time the hall - missing a comma or two with the interrupter this time

lame recording, played back - The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

away longer this time - It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter this time.


OVERALL FEELINGS AND IMPRESSIONS:

Excellent take on the prompt. Loved the character’s name, Flint, as in needed to make a fire.

Your attention to detail through description, dialogue and internal thought made this story believable, or possible.

Very well done.



Cheers,



Happyfingers


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" 





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