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Review #4192556
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Review by Happyfingers
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi bkies,

I'm reviewing The Mighty Monarchs - A Tragic Loss for

The Simply Positive Group


FIRST IMPRESSION IN THREE WORDS:

Grief, simple, uplifting


What I thought while reading your story:

Nice description of the village. Beautiful and picturesque!

the houses had crept up one side of the mountain. It suggests the village is thriving and growing.

and the dusty streets that led to it were not unlike the veins of a body. – nice simile – the heart of the town (church)

lay the town's main cemetery. – if it’s the only cemetery, maybe take out “main”. Any adjective or adverb that you don’t need, and is taken out, gives more impact to the story. *Smile*

Nine months earlier, she experienced the saddest day of her life. – you made it clear there would be a change in scene. Thanks! Most author’s don’t.

********
Another marker telling the reader we are back in the present, or the beginning


SUGGESTIONS?

This is my suggestion and one that involves style, so it’s a personal choice. If you read back your story, taking out all unnecessary words, it might enhance the impact and polish it off.

ready,”she hollered – space between quotation mark and she.

Could you fill in your biography? Love to know more about you. *Smile*

OVERALL FEELINGS AND IMPRESSIONS:

Wonderful story. The reincarnation, the Monarchs, All Saints Day, is a miracle, and one which brings comfort to the people who have lost loved ones.

Thanks for sharing this.



Cheers,



Happyfingers


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