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Review #4193016
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



*PenB* First Impressions:

That was an excellent story! I loved everything about it. You introduced the main character and set the scene very well in a few short paragraphs, but then it turned out that the real story wasn’t about her, or at least not about her now. I didn’t expect the twist at the end – when she first noticed the man next to her, I expected him to perhaps be something like an angel and that the plane was actually going to crash. It became clear quite quickly that he wasn’t like any other passenger on the flight, and you used the narrator’s reactions to him well to show that. The way she felt the warmth travelling to her heart, for example.

There was a hint early on about the travel which was just noticeable enough for the readers to remember but you didn’t give anything away at that point. When it all came together at the end it made sense.

I liked the way he told their story and the language you used to show his love and his loss. No wonder the narrator reacted the way she did when she heard it even if she didn’t understand the full implications at the time.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was very polished and I only noticed a few minor errors.

to look at my neighbor, man somewhere
There seems to be a word missing, “a man”?

mid twenties and mid thirties
I believe mid-twenties and mid-thirties should be hyphenated.

telling her I am sorry.
As the story was written in past tense I think this should say, “I was sorry.”


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

There seemed to be some unanswered questions at the end, but the story was so well written that it seemed hardly important. I was curious who or what they were and why he remembered everything and she, apparently, didn’t. I suppose that there is nothing wrong with leaving the readers with a bit of mystery at the end. Not everything has to be explained and the ending as it was seemed perfect, but I was still curious. If you ever wanted to turn this into a longer piece I think you have a very good start here.


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