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Review #4193665
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Secrets and Lies  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



*PenB* First Impressions:

Excellent first paragraph. The readers got a sense of the scene as well as the character. There was the recurring theme of her not being able to switch off which you got back to later in the part where she just wanted to be alone with her books. It was nicely done.

I felt that I got to know the narrator quite well in this story. Her thoughts and emotion were clear right from the start, and through them you narrated some of her backstory without it feeling like you were filling in the blanks. She reacted to what had happened to her and it changed her life, and you made it easy for the readers to follow her thought processes and understand her feelings – even though the actual event wasn’t clear until right at the end.

The chance meeting with the two people was awkward but I liked that the narrator didn’t back down or run away frightened. She had an instant dislike for him – it wasn’t clear if that perhaps changed a little at the end after she found out more about why he was being so protective and perhaps a little aggressive.


*PenG* Suggestions:

where I should be... where my tired body should be.
The repetition was quite noticeable there and I would suggest changing one of the phrases for a different one.

Orange and red spray across the sky, peaking through the clouds.
I liked the description but I think it would work better if you completed the sentence as it is a fragment at the moment. For example, you could simply remove the comma and replace ‘peaking’ with ‘peaked.’

since that fate full night
I think it’s one word, “fateful.”

I trust you"
There’s some punctuation missing before the closing speech marks.

the companions i want
This should be a capital “I” – the same thing happened a couple of times later on.

how I feel about about these
There’s a duplication there, “about.”


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

The story has an unfinished feel to it since at the end, the narrator only just found out why the brother behaved so strangely and that it might be something that affects her as well. At this point, the readers are curious as to the connection and what the narrator is going to do about it since the story ended with that question. It seemed a little odd that he just blurted out this detail about his sister’s past, but since he did, it would seem logical for the narrator to react in some way.

If you ever wanted to continue this story, I think you have a great start here and there are lots of different directions you could take it. The narrator is already quite well defined and I think it would be an intriguing tale if you connected the two stories.


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