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Review #4194115
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Happyfingers
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Rex,

I'm reviewing Horwitz' Last Fare for

The Simply Positive Group


FIRST IMPRESSION IN THREE WORDS:

Intriguing, Simple, Deep


Thoughts while reading your story:

My gosh, the title—looks like Horwitz is going die?

Intro: Horwitz is the main character and is a taxi cab driver.

in front of Ernie’s. – Wonder what that it?

The prep school kid in the stupid red hunting cap – Great. Got an approximate age of the preppie and he’s wearing a red cap, all without dumping it on the reader.

where the ducks went in the winter? – Maybe a theme, a question which might not matter?

as he fiddled with the cab’s heater.- Great showing, it’s cold.

I love your style of writing. It’s very good.

A gas station jockey in Baltimore. A panhandler in Richmond. – A bit confusing throughout.- There’s a semi-golden rule. If it’s an internal thought, make it italics. I don’t know if this is a point of style, but it seems to interfere with the flow. Sometimes Horwitz is talking to himself out loud, other times he’s thinking. As I wrote before, it’s a bit confusing.

Horwitz’ son is Clancy, a hobo?

Savanah – Horwitz is headed south to find the ducks.

His little girl Cathy sure – another good show not tell. He had a daughter, wife left, and he didn’t give her much attention.

I want to talk to Vera and the kids.” – I guess his wife took, at least, two kids?

Ethel – ex-sister-in-law. – Mate, there sure are a lot of characters in this story. *BigSmile*

Horwitz meets with Vera, the ex. They hit it off.

Overhead he spotted a V-shaped flock leading him home. – I know what you are trying to say, but it doesn’t work for me. *Blush*



SUGGESTIONS? EASY TO FIX

I’m a shocker when it comes to commas. Grammarly editing program (which isn’t perfect) shows the following. This does not affect the rating.

the public library Horwitz - missing a comma after the introductory clause in this sentence.

Instead he turned right, - missing a comma after the introductory phrase Instead.

Instead, he turned right, and daydreamed - unnecessary comma in a compound predicate.

Hudson River the cabbie - missing a comma after the introductory phrase Underneath the Hudson River

down his window, and - unnecessary comma in a compound predicate.

Sunshine State, but imagined - unnecessary comma in a compound predicate.

in Newark he asked the - missing a comma after the introductory phrase At a diner in Newark.

while there were no shortage – was

In Miami Beach the - missing a comma after the introductory phrase In Miami Beach

motel lobby he called - missing a comma after the introductory phrase From a motel lobby.

She showed up angry, but burst – unnecessary comma in a compound predicate.



Isn’t the possessive of Horwitz – Horwitz’s? *Blush*


OVERALL FEELINGS AND IMPRESSIONS:

Darn good writing! You have it, but it seems you are getting side-tracked with concrete nouns, unnecessary characters; the relevancy is questionable to me. A bit of polish, maybe a new conclusion, (my opinion only) and it’s on the way to the publisher.


Cheers,



Happyfingers


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" 





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