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Review #4194120
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Nursing Grudges  
Review by Happyfingers
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Rex,

I'm reviewing Nursing Grudges for

The Simply Positive Group


FIRST IMPRESSION IN THREE WORDS:

Creative, humorous, confusing.


Thoughts while reading your story:

“Ms. Luthor, I’m sorry,” apologized – this is a great opening in the introduction. Since she apologized, writing she apologized is a bit redundant.

your father’s special needs.” – Good, the conflict right away!

She resolved her father wouldn’t be evicted again. – “resolved” used here made me stop. It seems a bit awkward.

Mrs. Wiggins broke her hip falling through a trapdoor.” Now things are becoming a bit bizarre, but I read on.

“The trapdoor led to a pool of lava. Poor Mrs. Wiggins was stuck on a ledge for hours before good ol' Superm-“ It’s gone from bizarre to another adjective.

Can’t speak the word Superman? I see the picture of Superman and keep on.

So does his last roommate… - this paragraph isn’t believable, sorry. It’s a series of events and people that don’t exists and never could. *Blush*

The conclusion is okay, but didn’t do anything for me. It’s really about Bruce in the end, tired of taking care of her father.


SUGGESTIONS? EASY TO FIX

This is a subjective (very) observation. What is the story really about? You are to have a main character, a scene, a conflict and a resolution. I can’t find any of this.


OVERALL FEELINGS AND IMPRESSIONS:

There are some important elements missing from the story. Maybe go back and get into Lux’s head and what he is thinking. The resolution might be a bit tricky.


Cheers,



Happyfingers


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" 





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