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Review #4194127
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Review by Happyfingers
Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi Medie,

I'm reviewing The Summons for

The Simply Positive Group


FIRST IMPRESSION IN THREE WORDS:

Intriguing, Mysterious, Fantasy


Thoughts while reading your story:

“Hey, I saw your photo in the paper….” Really good first sentence.

You are creating some interesting questions: What was the photo of, Elders?, the commenter? Outlyers? First impression was a fantasy, a type of cult, and some sort of hierarchy.

I wasn’t high enough to reach the Queen’s notice or have her summon me for such an infraction. – Getting comfortable with the set-up.

of higher rank that – than?

What’s so good about this story is the way you get into the character’s head through internal dialogue. It’s believable. I can identify with her.

I followed the Outlyer – I’m still not too sure what an Outlyer is. The name doesn’t give me a clue.

The suspense as she walked through the warren to the Queen’s door is good. When she enters, it grows.

She reached out, twisting a lock of my dark hair in her fingers. – this seems to be the climax, what I’ve been waiting for with good characterization and writing skills.

“I summoned you because I do not have that option anymore. I cannot have my picture in the paper. You’ve intrigued me, child. And nothing has intrigued me for two hundred years.” – Is the option turning the hair and skin color? Or is it she can’t have her picture in the paper. I’m a bit confused here. The Queen didn’t have her photo in the newspaper.

Intriqued the Queen for the first time in two hundred years.

“Sit. Tell me about what you do all day.” This is a bit of a let-down. Obviously, she is like a spider spinning a web to catch the main character.

Although you leave the reader with unresolved possibilities, the conclusion let me down a bit. *Blush*





SUGGESTIONS? EASY TO FIX

Everything is good until the ending. It didn’t end. It didn’t conclude or leave me satisfied after reading the story. You’ve got more than 300 words to 1,000, maybe a different conclusion?


OVERALL FEELINGS AND IMPRESSIONS:

This is a good example of good characterization through internal dialogue and gestures. The ending might be improved if more conclusive.



Cheers,



Happyfingers


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" 



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