Hi slavezero, I just read this story, and I enjoyed it. My favorite was the ending when Tara put a knife in Barry's chest. Barry hadn't even thought that the lady was not Angie. Nice twist. Remember the scenes we talked about in email--the fast horror ones that you were trying to write? You achieved that effect perfectly in these lines: The body convulsed and the eyes sparked open . . . out of his hold as he tumbled to the floor Very well done. My suggestion is to make the opening of the story more catchy. Some readers are not patient enough to read until the suspenseful or part of the story that shows a twist. Otherwise, an enjoyable story! Write on. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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