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Given: Feb 7, 2016 at 11:18am
Length: 1,071 Characters |
942 w/o WritingML
Hi Andy,
I saw your entry for your prompt so I decided to read and review it.
I think it's full of suspense that kept me going until the last lines.I guess the ride was scary enough to make a boy get catatonic schizophrenia, and turn his hair white. So the boy didn't grow physically other than his hair turning white. I hope I interpreted it right.
I found a few lines that you could smoothen, tighten and have a lower word count. The horrible events of that summer were put out of her mind and the minds of everyone else. - With time, she and the others forgot about the horrible event of that summer. She cleaned up her act and got on with her life. - ... and moved on in life. ...another addition to a long list of missing people who were never found - I saw a bit of repetition here because people who are missing are the ones not found.
It's a good piece and very shocking at the end. Write on!
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