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Review #4194499
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item  []

by A Guest Visitor
Review of Man vs. Metal  
Review by Shaye
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Cinn ,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece "Invalid Item"  today in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " .

*Flowerw* This is a review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


Title: Indeed, the title does say it all. The poor man couldn't get the door open until with a final attempt, everything happens at once.

First Impression: I chose this to review as the image was familiar, as were a few of the short stories. A bit cliche, but overall a good read.

Plot: You've got the repeated attempts at opening the door building tension and the final reveal of what is inside at the very end. Great job! *Smile*

Setting: I might be insane, but this seems a little poetic, even though it's a flash fiction piece. You've got some great metaphors, comparing the van to a beast. I don't think you ever actually state what the item being opened was, so that adds a sort of mystery to the item, along with the fact the banana aspect isn't revealed until the very end. The one thing I might mention is your overuse of the word "green". You've got three uses here, in quite a short amount of time.

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted!

Closing Thoughts: A good little read, can't say I remember it. *Blush* It might've been one of the days I didn't judge though.

Lorraine

** Image ID #1934576 Unavailable **

Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/07/2016 @ 4:42pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4194499