Hello Melissa M. . My name is Charlie. Welcome to WDC. I hope you're finding your way around the site well. I'm here to review your poem, "Every Mile" , and welcome you to the site. Thanks for sharing you writing with us!

This poem is written in rhyming couplets with a topic that many of us can relate to. We all have that one person we can't shake off, or who takes forever to shake off. There's something about an incomplete past that keeps our attention for longer than we'd like. I thought this was a good topic to write about, especially if it's something that you feel for a lot.

Some notes:

All these emotions is killing me
Should be "are" killing me.

And leaving it's remnants
Should "its" remnants.

Those are just a couple grammar issues. One thing that I noticed in this poem is that there was a lot of drama. A little too much for my taste, really. The struggling to keep afloat/drowning/stabbing in the heart thing is so common in writing, you know what I mean? I understand the poem and the feelings behind it, so I understand why you would use those lines, but I'd love to see some imagery and descriptions that aren't so overused. These three lines especially stuck out to me in that regard:

Red for anger,
And red for the blood on the dagger,
Which stabbed me in the heart,

The flow and rhyme of the anger/dagger line don't fit in with the rest and then the level of drama there doesn't seem fit for the situation. I've been there before, unable to shake someone off, and I think it could be written with more subtle, biting words.

I loved the description of referring to someone as a dry cough, because we all know how annoying those are and they do last way longer than we can even stand. Good use of metaphor to bring the emotions to life there!

Overall, I think this poem needs some editing, especially near the beginning to make it more original. The emotions and story behind it are clearly there, so I think you could do a lot with the general idea of someone lingering around in your mind, staying way beyond their welcome. Thanks for sharing with us!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .