Hello, and good afternoon.

This item read to me like an underdeveloped draft, which is why I rated it with 3 stars. I have my personal star standards posted here: "Bobbi's Rating and/or Reviewing Policy"  If you have any questions about this review or my system, please email me.

The typos I caught were as follows:

There weren't many obvious typos to speak of. I did notice that you switched between using number words (three) and numbers (3). Unless I am mistaken, in the context of items like cigarettes smoked or blocks walked it is more appropriate to use the word rather than the number. Either way, consistency is important.

A few things I noticed as a reader:

It sounds almost like Kian is dealing with a separate personality within, being referred to as 'they' throughout the piece, and it wasn't real clear to me who 'they' were. I thought it was two people at first, then halfway through the piece it was clear that it was Kian and some abstract something clinging on like a monkey on an addict's back. I can narrow it down to being the nicotine itself or the addiction, but I was hoping for some clarification in the end that I didn't see. I also don't know if Kian is a guy or a girl. There are pyjamas with pink cats on them, but the internet tells me that Kian is a guy's name. Since the only pronoun referred to Kian is 'they', it's hard to tell which gender since it could be either one.

Then there is James. What happened to him? Did Kian leave him? Did Kian kill him? The last sentence mentions something about 'blood on their hands'. Is that figurative or literal? Is James sleeping as in sleeping or 'sleeping' as in dead? There are many questions surrounding this character that leave me confused.

What kept me interested was the sense of mystery over who Kian is and what has a hold of him (or her). Unfortunately, by the end of the story we only know how Kian feels while learning little about what has happened. Many of these issues can be solved by developing the story more, especially towards the end.

Thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I'm just another reader and writer so use or discard any of my suggestions at your personal discretion. If you make changes and would like me to reassess your piece for a higher rating, feel free to e-mail me.

--Brandi