Hello, and good afternoon.

Your item read like it was polished and solid, which is why I am giving the piece a 4.5 rating. My personal rating and review standards can be found here: "Bobbi's Rating and/or Reviewing Policy" . If you have any questions please email me.


The typos I caught were as follows:

There were almost no typos that I caught, just the one here where the first quotation marks were left out: "I didn't see her every day," I said.


A few things I noticed as a reader:

We start out at a funeral with two fellows who loved the deceased. It wasn't obvious what the relationship was to these two but as I read on it became clear that Shawn was the late Patty's husband and Doug was someone who may have been in another life. Doug did not seem sure whether Shawn knew of the feelings he had for Patty, and I was curious to find out as well and to find out how Shawn would handle this revelation. I'm not left hanging long since the conversation turned to a thoughtful confrontation of the things Shawn had suspected and the feelings Doug was afraid to speak about.

This is an excellent effort on drama that is profound to the characters experiencing it yet is also ordinary and every-day which the reader can easily relate. These two could very well be your family, friends or neighbors. I wonder about the ellipsis at the end, as if there is actually an invisible question mark at "The End". That's the only thin loose thread in an otherwise satisfying conclusion.

Thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I'm just another reader and writer so use or discard any of my suggestions at your personal discretion.

Keep writing, and good luck on publication!

--Brandi