Hello steviekey. How are you doing? My name's Charlie and I'm here to welcome you to the site with a review for your poem, "Invalid Item" . Thanks for sharing your work with us!

This poem stood out to me on the "Review a Newbie" page because the title and image along with it seemed interesting. I'm still trying to decipher the "She is oblivious!" description, but it might have something to do with this other person not realizing how the narrator feels about her. It might be some type of friendship that hasn't gone into relationship territory and has left the narrator feeling as if she's oblivious.

I thought there were some really good descriptions in here. I loved the cotton candied strands of hair and the almost manic tone to the poem. It seems like the narrator is paying a lot of attention to her and every movement she makes is accounted for. It's interesting to see the way he feels about every part of her being. Her hands, her mouth, her hair, her fingers... It seems as though the narrator is really into this girl.

My one issue with this poem is that the ending doesn't seem like a conclusion to me. I mean, the last line might constitute, but it seemed like there might be more hidden here that might tie the whole thing together a little more completely. Other than that, I thought this was lovely. Thanks again for sharing!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .