Hello Joey's Spring has Sprung,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


I think the main character’s motivation came across very well in this story. He let out all his anger and frustration in his prayer and later in the conversation with the priest, and it was impossible not to sympathise with him. He felt let down, and it directly led to his feelings and actions at the end. His struggle was poignant, partly because he wasn’t concerned about himself but about others who were suffering. One thing I would advise though is to name your character right in the first paragraph. It’s not something that I used to do routinely but I’ve learned that the readers relate to a character much better is you make it clear from the start who they are.

I liked the way you structured the story. There was a lot of anger at the beginning that subsided into a slightly calmer and somewhat constructive conversation, but the action rose towards a definitive climax in the last few paragraphs, although by then, the main character seemed almost calm again. The dialogue sounded natural and I could imagine the character in his anguish and anger; his words certainly advanced the plot well.

The descriptions, especially at the beginning, were excellent and the setting was clear from the start. You showed everything the readers needed to know in a few paragraphs and I got a clear picture of the scene. The way you described the character, his emotions and how they manifested in his tears etc. was excellent and I had no difficulties imagining him and the way he thundered his accusations.

The story flowed well but I noticed quite a few mechanical errors and now that the contest is over, you might want to take another look at some of the grammar and punctuation. The story is certainly worth the bit of work it would take to polish it.

The ending was excellent. The main character didn’t let the priest talk him round but instead decided to try it his own way, which fit well with his character and made for a fitting conclusion. Overall, I thought this was a good story and I enjoyed the read.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .